The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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