can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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