He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
