Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
