Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
