YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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