We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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