we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she told me i tasted like america
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
