I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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