She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
