Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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