You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
