i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
