We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
