In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
