It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
