I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
