I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
