Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
