Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We have started to decorate penises.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
