Sry I called you an 8
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
