Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
