Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
