I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize