I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
