Kiss
Puke
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
