Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
