see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
