I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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