How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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