you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
