We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
