Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
