well I can't set my house on fire every night
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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