Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
