Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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