Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
