I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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