You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
