Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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