hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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