I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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