you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
