so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize