If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
