He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
