Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
