I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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