I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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