I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
