Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize