To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
