dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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