If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
