these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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