Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
