yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
