You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
