She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
