and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
