did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
