I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
