God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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