I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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