dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
