Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
