Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize