i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just googled if crying burns calories
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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