addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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