So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
