So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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