Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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