I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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