1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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