I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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