So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
