Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have already put on my inside pants.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
